I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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