she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
