somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
