she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My vagina just recognized that song.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
