I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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