I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
