I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
