piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
