soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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