I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
