she looked like the before picture.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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