Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
