The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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