My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
