I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
