I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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