your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
