i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
