he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
