I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
