You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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