Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize