Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
