school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
