I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize