I must be too annoying 4 u.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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