no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let's get the cat blown out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
