U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
