You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
