so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
