Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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