Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
