I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
