Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
