needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
