i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize