just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize