weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
