just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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