i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
