update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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