Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
