she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
