I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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