where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
where am i from again
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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