I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
