I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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