what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
