Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
