i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize