This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
