I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i've created a new STD.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
