Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
