NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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