He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
