you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize