We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
