just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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