thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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