dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
