I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the day after is always just damage control
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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