Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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